Review of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Directed by: Rob Marshall
Written by: Ted Elliot & Terry Rossio
Starring: Johnny Depp, Penélope Cruz, Geoffrey Rush, & Ian McShane


As I said in my review of Fast Five, sometimes it’s okay for a movie to be light-hearted and fun. Pirates 4 is another example of one of those movies. While it does involve one plot-line that touches on a few interesting themes, the movie as a whole makes no effort to be overly dramatic or thematic. It revels in its fun and has a great energy and pace to it.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides stars Johnny Depp as the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow on a quest to find the fountain of youth. But as we know from the past three films, nothing is ever easy with Jack Sparrow. Also en route to the fountain are the Spanish, Blackbeard (Ian McShane), and the now-privateer Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush). And since it wouldn’t be a Pirates movie without a saucy young lady, an old flame of Sparrow’s, played by Penélope Cruz, also gets involved (who, by the way, is still sexy wearing a fake moustache).

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Doctor Who Recap & Review: The Curse of the Black Spot


Directed By: Jeremy Webb
Written By: Stephen Thompson


How can one follow up such a mind-bending two-parter as Impossible Astronaut and Day of the Moon? Simple. They can’t, and they don’t in the third episode of the new season. Instead, the overall arc takes a backseat to a simple pirate story, which we’ve outlined below in this week’s Recap and Review!

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Boobs! Pirates! Jokes!

This is all you need to know about fake boobs.

Great News! I was going to make my first post an insightful and academic essay on the state of modern music, but instead, boobs distracted me. Feel free to forgive me at your leisure.

It turns out that Disney is not interested in fake boobs–and who is, right? Right? Anyone?–for their new Pirates of the Caribbean movie. You can follow the link if you want, but I’m going to go ahead and quote the important part for you.

“Filmmakers sent out a casting call last week, according to the paper, seeking ‘beautiful female fit models. Must be 5 feet 7 inches-5 feet 8 inches, size 4 or 6, no bigger or smaller. Age 18-25. Must have a lean dancer body. Must have real breasts. Do not submit if you have implants.’ The potential ladies will also have to undergo a test involving jiggling and jogging to determine their breasts’ authenticity, the Post says.” From:

Now, obviously we, being logical and rational individuals, can deduce that, since this movie involves pirates who aren’t from Somalia, it is probably set in a time period where fake tits would be anachronistic at best and a surgical nightmare at worst, but where’s the fun in that? Instead, because this story broke an hour or so ago, I’m going to get the jump on every other blog site and post every possible joke anyone can make about this situation. Click “Continue Reading” to see what I’m talking about.

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The Title Made Me Happy, But Then I Read the Article

From Dark Horizons:

Verbinski has informed ‘Pirates’ producer Jerry Bruckheimer of the news [that he won’t be directing Pirates 4], and instead will focus on other projects. Chief amongst these is the Universal Pictures adaptation of the bestselling video game “Bioshock” which John Logan scripted as is expected to Verbinski’s next feature.

My heart went all afflutter when I read the news that Gore wasn’t going to be doing any more “Pirates” films. Considering how dumb the third film was (I mean C’MON people!! Jack Sparrow, the enigma of the seven seas, has a FREAKIN’ DADDY?!?!?!) this bit of news brought endless joy to me. That is, until I continued reading the post and found out that they were still doing a fourth “Pirates” film, just without the esteemed director.

What the fuck, Bruck?! If the director who made this series popular is leaving to make a video game movie, there’s a good chance that he sees that the series doesn’t have much more steam left and is jumping ship (har har, me hearties, a pun!). Feel free to disagree in the comments.