Boobs! Pirates! Jokes!

This is all you need to know about fake boobs.

Great News! I was going to make my first post an insightful and academic essay on the state of modern music, but instead, boobs distracted me. Feel free to forgive me at your leisure.

It turns out that Disney is not interested in fake boobs–and who is, right? Right? Anyone?–for their new Pirates of the Caribbean movie. You can follow the link if you want, but I’m going to go ahead and quote the important part for you.

“Filmmakers sent out a casting call last week, according to the paper, seeking ‘beautiful female fit models. Must be 5 feet 7 inches-5 feet 8 inches, size 4 or 6, no bigger or smaller. Age 18-25. Must have a lean dancer body. Must have real breasts. Do not submit if you have implants.’ The potential ladies will also have to undergo a test involving jiggling and jogging to determine their breasts’ authenticity, the Post says.” From:

Now, obviously we, being logical and rational individuals, can deduce that, since this movie involves pirates who aren’t from Somalia, it is probably set in a time period where fake tits would be anachronistic at best and a surgical nightmare at worst, but where’s the fun in that? Instead, because this story broke an hour or so ago, I’m going to get the jump on every other blog site and post every possible joke anyone can make about this situation. Click “Continue Reading” to see what I’m talking about.

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