Swigs of Sucker Punch

I am not entirely sure how I feel about this movie.

The bad:

  • Zack tried to play this movie off as “Women kick ass” when it just portrays “Dudes are assholes and women just have to grin and bear it until someone comes to save them”.
  • Baby Doll’s escape fantasies are basically straight video game rips, but the movie is supposed to be based in what appears to be the 50s.
  • A bit of the CGI sucks. (Though it is kind of funny considering the game it obviously references)
  • The big unspoken evil in the movie was abuse, but it was subtle enough for GADS of people to miss it.
  • It is really, really depressing.

The middle:

  • The dialogue was fairly meh and full of clichés.  – I’ll give that a pass since it was not only staged in a mental institution full of severely damaged people, but also had a traumatized young girl who dived into fantasy at every chance as the editor. Zack probably wasn’t thinking that hard, but that angle makes it better.
  • It seems Snyder had good intentions for the story, but got lost in his own ideas of empowerment and was thwarted further by nitpicking edits.
  • The protagonists are pretty much blank slates. Many of the folks who dislike this movie hate that, but it touches back on the fact that this movie is very game, and/or action flick, based.

But on the frosted side:

  • Armored mech with a pink bunny on it. (I’m easy sometimes.)
  • Most of the CGI was very pretty. I left the movie drunk off the visuals.
  • I’m a gamer. Sometimes I have to take turns playing a game. It doesn’t make the game any less fun.
  • The first few minutes of the movie, which lacked dialogue, were extremely well done. If the whole movie would have been that, it would have been fantastic.
  • The soundtrack, though full of covers, fit the scenes quite well.

Wait… Pretty, even sounds hot, kind of stupid, and you wake up the next day with a headache from the past night’s events.

Did I pick up Sucker Punch at the bar?


Dance By Number

So I finally got around to watching Burlesque the other day.  I had been interested in seeing it when it came out because I am drawn to musicals in a dangerous way, but I ended up completely forgetting about it by the time it hit theatres. One thing that perplexes me is that most of the reviews I saw about the movie were either treating it like it beat them up in middle school or they have a shrine to it in their closet.

An extended music video helmed by the dude who played Troy in The Goonies, this is a paint by numbers affair which is watchable but not very memorable. I thoroughly enjoy seeing Christina and Cher belt out tunes. Unfortunately, I’m not in any kind of hurry to acquire this soundtrack. As soon as the songs were over, I had forgotten them.

This whole movie was like watching a form of instant drink mix. I don’t need to mention the story, because you would forget it in 5 minutes anyway. It wasn’t fine wine, but it wasn’t water. It was great to have running in the background while I was doing other stuff. If you are a musical fiend, then add it to the list, but don’t hurt yourself otherwise.

This movie is just neither good nor bad enough to warrant an extreme reaction, no matter how hard they tried in the promos to make it look like it was a more substantial film. If there were a Phoning It In Awards, Burlesque would have cleaned up.

Something, Something, Something, Then Something Else

So I caught Skyline on it’s opening weekend and I feel betrayed. Like anyone else who has seen the film, I was tricked by the pretty visuals in the trailer. The setup was convincing enough for me to not notice the fact that the big names involved with the flick were Eric Balfour, Donald Faison, and David Zayas. Yep.

Helmed by two guys with a mostly special effects background, this movie does fairly well with its budget and has some nice looking creatures running around tearing things up. Unfortunately you sit around watching crap and have to wait eons for it. The first scenes of the movie are an extension of the trailer that make you excited to get into the rest of the film, then it cuts to some number of hours earlier and you don’t give a shit about anything anymore.

In my head, one of the worst things ever in media is when the viewer is thrown right into some action and then ripped out of it to go back to “generic time period earlier” for some back story that was not important enough to put in front

of it.  Some will argue that the little taste of action is a nice teaser to draw you in and the backstory will fill in the depth needed or some horseshit like that. Cutting away from action just waters it down. When you return to the present and the scene is replayed again, 95% of the time the additional information added to scene tends to be trivial.  Flashbacks generally handle this much better and are less annoyingly abrupt.

I was expecting tons of pretty alien effects, some good battle action and some half-decent acting for most of the film. I was aware that I was not going to see the Holy Grail in this thing, but I didn’t sign up for a bunch of jerks hanging out in a non-penthouse, penthouse apartment with the blinds closed.  If it were more than the 90-ish minute runtime I probably would have nodded off. When we got the bits of creature time, and I mean bits, it looked lovely even though we have seen most of those creature designs before. The actors just waded in the lame dialogue and wasted time until the end.

The end turned out to be another one of my movie aggravations. Whoever wrote the last 7 or so minutes of the flick didn’t bother reading the rest of it. The tone of the last few minutes was completely different from the rest and not in a coherent way. I don’t get how they edited and the thing and decided those parts fit together, but I figure they just ran out of money or something. In any case, if the movie had ended five minutes sooner it would have been 20% better.

Fucking pretty blue light tricked me into walking in too.