Diagnosis:Film-Weekend of May 6

Diagnosis:Film-Weekend of May 6

One of the big Marvel releases for the summer is out this weekend, and Rutger Hauer shoots everyone to bloody death. There’s also a dumb romantic comedy and a slew of limited releases that might actually be worth checking out. There’s pretty much something for everyone this weekend, so get your ass out to the local cineplex and watch some films! And then come back here when you’re done and tell us what you thought of the film. Or just tell us what you think now and don’t go see anything. I’m pretty flexible here, people!

Films after the jump!

Jumping the Broom (2011)JUMPING THE BROOM

Directed By: Salim Akil
Written By: Elizabeth Hunter, Arlene Gibbs
Starring: Paula Patton, Laz Alonso and Angela Bassett
Release Date: May 6, 2011 (2,035 screens)
Synopsis: Two very different families converge on Martha’s Vineyard one weekend for a wedding.

Thoughts: Not my cup of tea, and it’s not a particularly well-made trailer either.

Diagnosis: Pass.

Something Borrowed (2011)SOMETHING BORROWED

Directed By: Luke Greenfield
Written By: Jennie Snyder
Starring: Ginnifer Goodwin, Kate Hudson and Colin Egglesfield
Release Date: May 6, 2011 (2,904 screens)
Synopsis: Friendships are tested and secrets come to the surface when terminally single Rachel falls for Dex, her best friend Darcy’s fiancé.

Thoughts: Why are Darcy and Dex getting married if there’s this residual doubt from the both of them? Also, why is Dex marrying Darcy in the first place if he KNOWS how Rachel feels about him? It’s in the trailer. Everyone keeps saying they’re great together. Ugh. This looks to be pretty much everything I hate from the romantic comedy genre.

Diagnosis: Pass.

Thor (2011)THOR

Directed By: Kenneth Branagh
Written By: Ashley Miller, Zack Stentz
Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Anthony Hopkins and Natalie Portman
Release Date: May 6, 2011 (3,955 screens)
Synopsis: The powerful but arrogant warrior Thor is cast out of the fantastic realm of Asgard and sent to live amongst humans on Earth, where he soon becomes one of their finest defenders.

Thoughts: I’m conflicted about this one. I’ve started to read some good reviews and that’s sparked my interest in this, but the trailers haven’t done a whole lot for me and it’s a Marvel hero that I’m not really that knowledgeable or interested in.

Diagnosis: Curious to see.

Battle of the Brides (2011)BATTLE OF THE BRIDES (CO DAU DAI CHIEN)

Directed By: Victor Vu
Written By: Victor Vu, Hong Phuc
Starring: Ngoc Diep, Huy Khanh and Ngan Khanh
Release Date: May 6, 2011 (5 screens)
Synopsis: Thai (Huy Khanh) is a young and famous playboy who is after four beautiful girls at the same time. Trang (Ngan Khanh) is a flight attendant; Mai Chau (Van Trang) is a doctor; Quyen (Le Khanh) is a sexually aggressive chef while Huynh Phuong (Phi Thanh Van) is one fiery actress.

Thai has never been serious with all his girlfriends until he meets Linh (Ngoc Diep), the fifth girl who catches his heart and works as a painter. He decides to marry her as she possesses all the qualities of a dream wife. As they are about to get married, his ex-girlfriends decide to hijack his wedding. Will Thai get married in the end? If he does who is the lucky girl?

Thoughts: *spock eyebrow*

Diagnosis: Netflix Instant

The Beaver (2011)THE BEAVER

Directed By: Jodie Foster
Written By: Kyle Killen
Starring: Mel Gibson, Jodie Foster and Anton Yelchin
Release Date: May 6, 2011 (22 screens)
Synopsis: A troubled husband and executive adopts a beaver hand-puppet as his sole means of communicating.

Thoughts: I’m still not sure what to think about this. It looks like it might be good, but then there are moments in the trailer that make me wrinkle my nose and go, “oh, that.”

Diagnosis: Netflix Instant.

Caterpillar (2010)CATERPILLAR

Directed By: Kôji Wakamatsu
Written By: Hisako Kurosawa, Masao Adachi
Starring: Shinobu Terajima, Keigo Kasuya and Emi Masuda
Release Date: May 6, 2011 (1 screens)
Synopsis: During the Second Sino-Japanese War, in 1940, Lieutenant Kurokawa returns home as an honoured and decorated soldier… but deprived of his arms and legs lost in battle in mainland China. All hopes, from the villagemen and women to close family members, turn to Shigeko, the Lieutenant’s wife: she must honour the Emperor and the country in setting an example for all by fulfilling her duty and taking care of the ‘god soldier’.

Thoughts: This looks kind of interesting, and the trailer doesn’t really give you too much to go on, which I like. The last moment of the trailer is rather powerful, which makes me think that this will be worth checking out. Shame it’s only playing on one screen.

Diagnosis: Netflix Instant.

Forks Over Knives (2011)FORKS OVER KNIVES

Directed By: Lee Fulkerson
Written By: Lee Fulkerson
Starring: Joey Aucoin, Neal Barnard and Gene Baur
Release Date: May 6, 2011 (6 screens)
Synopsis: Examines the profound claim that most, if not all, of the degenerative diseases that afflict us can be controlled, or even reversed, by rejecting our present menu of animal-based and processed foods.

Thoughts: *Cues Meat is Murder album from The Smiths*

Diagnosis: Netflix Instant.

Haunted 3D (2011)HAUNTED 3D

Directed By: Vikram Bhatt
Written By: Amin Hajee, Amin Hajee
Starring: Tia Bajpai, Mahakshay Chakraborty and Mimoh Chakraborty
Release Date: May 6, 2011 (13 screens)
Synopsis: Haunted 3D is a story set in the dark mountains of Dalhousie. The movie revolves around the character Glen Manor who has a villa with a secret past and a haunted present.

The lead Rehan visits Glen Manor villa to complete the sell transactions, which his father has initiated but couldn’t be solved due to certain mysterious incidents. While trying to do, he finds the secret of the villa and falls in love with it.

What he does not bargain for is that the secret attacks him to the biggest challenge and question of his life.

Thoughts: There are way too many screams in this trailer without any jarring imagery to make it look remotely interesting.

Diagnosis: Pass.

Hobo With a Shotgun (2011)HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN

Directed By: Jason Eisener
Written By: John Davies
Starring: Rutger Hauer, Pasha Ebrahimi and Robb Wells
Release Date: May 6, 2011 (2 screens)
Synopsis: A homeless vigilante blows away crooked cops, pedophile Santas, and other scumbags with his trusty pump-action shotgun.

Thoughts: This looks absolutely brilliant.

Diagnosis: Want to see.

I'm Not Jesus Mommy (2010)I’M NOT JESUS MOMMY

Directed By: Vaughn Juares
Written By: Vaughn Juares, Joseph Schneider
Starring: Charles Hubbell, Bridget McGrath and Joseph Schneider
Release Date: May 6, 2011 (3 screens)
Synopsis: Kimberly would stop at nothing to have a child of her own. After recovering from cancer her possibilities seemed slim. However, the world’s first successful human cloning project brings an unthinkable solution and a son named David. Seven years after David’s birth, wars, famine and natural disasters of every kinds have plagued the Earth. As Kimberly struggles to survive her biggest challenge is raising her son. Strange occurrences surrounding the young boy are only becoming worse and more mysterious. Roger, the head researcher of the cloning project returns to reveal that David was cloned from DNA taken from the Shroud of Turin…from blood of Christ. Has cloning made it possible to bring Christ back? Is David the Second Coming of Christ or something else?

Thoughts: Seems a bit out there, but the trailer is intriguing and the premise interesting. Or it could just be a low budget Omen film with cloning.

Diagnosis: Netflix Instant.

An Invisible Sign (2011)AN INVISIBLE SIGN

Directed By: Marilyn Agrelo
Written By: Pamela Falk, Michael Ellis
Starring: Jessica Alba, J.K. Simmons and Bailee Madison
Release Date: May 6, 2011 (1 screens)
Synopsis: Mona Gray is a 20-year-old loner who, as a child, turned to math for salvation after her father became ill. As an adult, Mona now teaches the subject and must help her students through their own crises.

Thoughts: It’s no Stand and Deliver, but it looks like it has enough quirky charm and indie music to satiate anyone looking for that kind of thing. It also looks like Alba gives a decent performance. Still, it falls under the type of film I’m not THAT interested in seeing.

Diagnosis: Pass.

Octubre (2011)OCTUBRE

Directed By: Daniel Vega Vidal, Diego Vega Vidal
Written By: Daniel Vega Vidal, Diego Vega Vidal
Starring: Bruno Odar, Gabriela Velásquez and Carlos Gassols
Release Date: May 6, 2011 (2 screens)
Synopsis: Clemente, a moneylender of few words, is a new hope for Sofía, his single neighbor, devoted to the October worship of Our Lord of the Miracles. They’re brought together over a new-born baby, fruit of Clemente’s relationship with a prostitute who’s nowhere to be found. While Clemente is looking for the girl’s mother, Sofía cares for the baby and looks after the moneylender’s house. With the arrival of these beings in his life, Clemente has the opportunity to reconsider his emotional relations with people.

Thoughts: Looks interesting. Decent trailer.

Diagnosis: Curious to see.

Passion Play (2010)PASSION PLAY

Directed By: Mitch Glazer
Written By: Mitch Glazer
Starring: Mickey Rourke, Megan Fox and Bill Murray
Release Date: May 6, 2011 (2 screens)
Synopsis: An angel under the thumb of a ruthless gangster is saved by a trumpet player down on his luck.

Thoughts: Bill Murray as a bad guy? Interesting. But the whole Megan Fox thing isn’t, and I’m a little weirded out that the trailer alludes to a romantic entanglement between Rourke and Fox in the film. Their age gap seems just a wee bit on the…um…large side. Still..

Diagnosis: Curious to see.

The People vs George Lucas (2010)THE PEOPLE VS. GEORGE LUCAS

Directed By: Alexandre O. Philippe
Written By:
Starring: John Barger, Ahmed Best and David Brin
Release Date: May 6, 2011 (1 screens)
Synopsis: Uses a courtroom debate approach to explore the issues of filmmaking and fanaticism around one of the industry’s most famous franchises and its creator. The innovative film combines filmmaker and celebrity interviews with fan films – submitted via the film’s site – to make this the world’s first digitally democratic feature documentary.

Thoughts: Yeah, but…okay. Whatever.

Diagnosis: Pass.

There Be Dragons (2011)THERE BE DRAGONS

Directed By: Roland Joffé
Written By: Roland Joffé
Starring: Charlie Cox, Wes Bentley and Dougray Scott
Release Date: May 6, 2011
Synopsis: Arising out of the horror of the Spanish Civil War, a candidate for canonization is investigated by a journalist who discovers his own estranged father had a deep, dark and devastating connection to the saint’s life.

Thoughts: From the director of The Killing Fields. It looks kind of interesting, actually.

Diagnosis: Curious to see.